2010 IS ENDING

It is 11:16pm on New Years Eve. And I was stood up.

For a moment I almost believed you were going to take me out tonight. For a few seconds I actually thought I was going to get to go to a New Years Eve party and just maybe be kissed at midnight. But it didn't happen and I'm left with only my fantasies of what could have been. I got realistic around 3pm this afternoon. So why did I get dressed up anyway? God I feel So alone right now... not to mention Really stupid.

It is 11:21pm New Years Eve. And I'm ringing in the new year alone.
The end.

-beautifully broken

make believe

And for a moment I pretended it was you~

Going out of my mind,
-beautifully broken

I'm just going to start typing and see if I can uncover what's weighing on my mind--
No surprise here, I'll start with You.

I want to not care but I'm constantly jealous of every minute I know you're not thinking about me. I still leave your picture open on my computer to casually glance at every now and then. Your notes and letters are pressed into crevasses in my room and tacked on the walls. How I wish the words didn't mean anything to me anymore. How much I wish I didn't care. But I'm over analyzing everything. I've always done that, nothing new. What's different is that all I can see are the negatives never the positives. I don't want to give up but I don't have the energy to try anymore. What did I do this time? I always do something. I'm screwed up. Messed up. And that's only a small fraction of it... I wish I didn't care about you. Then everything would be So much easier. I wish you never made me love you. But then again, I am so glad that you did. You're everywhere I look. Why did I let you make such a big impact on me? I should have known. I should have known. I let my guard down and let you say forever. I guess I hoped -I expected- that I would never have to regret letting you say the words. How naive.

Never say forever. And never promise me anything. Got it?!

-Beautifully Broken
into thousands of little pieces

These Eyes

I Want You To Open Your Eyes

Because I Need You To Look Into Mine

-Beautifully Broken

Self Portraits

After you broke my heart (again) I took my own portrait. In fact, I took it multiple times. I want you to look into these eyes- and realize- that they are broken. That they miss you and as mad as they are at you... They can't help but love you. And thinking that they will never get to look into yours again, well, that makes it hard not to cry.

-Beautifully Broken

It CAN work

So many what-ifs and should-haves. To many didnts and wonts. The 'right time' isnt coming, so I think Ill just take the plunge. I need you and I think you felt it too. Forget about the not-rights and the this-will-never-works. [youre going to come back to me and we will never say goodbye again]



-beautifully broken

completely destroyed

Oh, don't worry
you didn't break me. no
sweetie, you
completely destroyed me

& if one day
I actually START to matter
please let me know

These Tears

And every time we hang up the phone I cry
a few more tears for the things I wont say

and the things you no longer feel

-beautifully broken

to cool photo gear

First off, Photojojo is an all round shnazy blog and you all should sign up for their newsletter. But I'll talk about that in another post- Right now, I am going to take you to the photojojo store, where camera gadgets go to be written in the history books as 'Awesome'.


My Wishlist.

The Camera Strap Buddy,

so my camera stops bouncing around on my hip
(see photo above and below):








The Super-Secret Spy Lens,
For better stalker shots.








Camera Dial Laptop Decal,
To simply look shnazy-

For more super cool photo gear check out:
http://photojojo.com/store/

Fix Me

If I'm broken

Who will fix me?

What if the only person who can put me back together is the one who broke me in the first place?

-Beautifully Broken

-You Hurt Me-

- Just Broken

one word.

NUMB.


-broken

Nostalgia Is Lurking

This bedroom, cold curtains. Have I any reason to stay around? Nostalgia, is lurking. This heavy air keeps me down. Run away. You gave me no choice but to run away. -The Ethnographers

So two weird things happened today.

First, when I was rushing through my bowl of cinnamon toast crunch this morning I had a flashback to being at my kitchen table eating a similar bowl of cereal before running off to middle school. It was strange. The second thing, and this isn't uncommon for me but it hasn't happened in awhile... wait first the back story- When I had the ring you gave me on my hand, my thumb and pinky would always reach over to it and twirl it around. The ring isn't there anymore but my fingers still reached over to the empty spot and tried to twirl it around. It was as if my mind needed to remind me that there was something missing. Well mind, I have something to tell you- I haven't forgotten and I haven't stopped noticing. So could you please stop rubbing it in my face?

Thanks. Sincerely,
Beautifully Broken

RENEGADE

It's that time of the year folks- The Renegade Craft Show is back in Chicago!

What's Renegade you say?

How about the largest and first of its kind craft super-show that hosts hundreds of DIY indie-craft artists from all over the globe! Renegade has begun to hit major cities throughout the US, but Chicago- well, It started here in Wicker Park (and we sure are proud of it!)

I've been scoping out photos from other cities shows and have come up with three main characters that I believe will be taking over this year.
Those would be - Owls, bicycles and monsters.

So, Come on out- It's free (but then again, that's just a marketing ploy, because I promise, you will buy something!) But even more then racking up the 'stuff' you can't leave Renegade with out some inspiration and a new set passion to just MaKe something! If you're feeling stuck in your art these days, then Renegade is the place to be!

See you all there : )


-beautifully broken

Me and Silence

This silence,
I don't mind it-
it's not really quiet at all.

and I hear You,
Loud and Clear-

But the silence.
It suits me-
wouldn't you say?

We're quite the Pair.



-beautifully broken

-let down-

Let down and disappointed.
But honestly?
I didn't expect any different.

- beautifully broken

Careless

I think I made a mistake.

I was wrong.

It's not about being wanted.

It's about being loved.

There is such a huge difference.

And to think I almost took the bait.

Shit, this was such a mistake.







-beautifully broken

Bullet Points

Bullet Points About My Second Day As A College Student

• I've been introducing myself as Anna, which sounds weird until other people say it
• I skipped breakfast, but had a Cesar salad at both lunch and dinner
• I've had the same conversation with 16 different people:

  What dorm are you in? What FYI are you taking? Where are you from? So, you're a freshman? What do you want to major in?

• I made one sorta-maybe-could-be-but-not-sure-yet friend.
  
• I still haven't unpacked
• I'm only taking 1/4 of my class load this week and I'm already procrastinating and feeling stressed about the amount of work I have.
• I've also doodled in my notebook. A lot.
  
• Sat outside for a discussion. But I have no idea what anybody said the whole time because:

  I had a total of 8 spiders, big and small crowl and jump on me. And those are the only ones that I knew about. Not fun.

• Talked to much and also talked to little...

But hey, it's only my second day- Who knows what's yet to come?



-Beautifully Broken

Am I Worth It?

A journal entry from February 17th, 2009

“You
just want to be held and told you are worth it after all"

You
wish it on your birthday candles and send your hopes to the stars.
Well, gee. Now it will surely come true. They say my depression is
socially based. What ever the hell that means. Some things you get
over. Others you never do. You can gloss over it with something new,
a sheet protector or a layer of glue. But it never leaves. You are
still infatuated with them. All you want is to be fought for. The
feeling of being wanted is what makes you whole. Don't care who. Just
want me. Fight for me. Tell me I am worth it.

I
don't miss them enough to want them back. But just enough for it to
hurt. And it hurts... I have lived many days in
bliss. Blinded by the reality that forever is not guaranteed. What is
so different about this one? They will be the same. They will leave.
And you will start all over again. It doesn't matter anyway because
you got what you deserved. Nothing more and nothing less. This empty
feeling. Don't you know its your fault it happened this way? It is
your fault it ended this way. And you can't take it back. You got
what was coming to you. You got everything you deserved. They never
fight for you. They never will.

Read more: http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=38307152&blogId=471359559#ixzz0wYKz608s




- Beautifully Broken

lyrics about the past

I'm haunted by this photograph
Don't know why
Every time I look, I get shivers down my spine
You're such a beautiful face
I know those eyes
They take me back in time
But that was long ago

- beautifully broken

What a frightening thing is the human,
a mass of gauges and dials and registers
and we can read only a few
and those perhaps not accurately. - John Steinbeck

- beautifully broken

What am I to you?

Lather-

Rinse-

Repeat, Right?

a Ziploc bag and air tight
container,

an old discarded book,

yard sale worthy

and deliberately blinded,

a real thrift store glory.

do i mean anything to You-

or is it all just a game?

am i simply your prize

at the end of this maze?

they will cheer

and You will holler,

while i sit in the corner

silently dazed.

Oh, you're forgetting
something-

Repeat

Repeat

Repeat

right?

- beautifully broken

The In-Between

From my journal.
July 1st, 2010

Hello there. Welcome to a not-so fabulous time in my life. Most people call it summer. For me it's the in-between. Neither this not that.

From my journal.
July 4th, 2010

I'm flying over Washington right now, up into a sky that from below looked so dull. One flat layer of white marshmallow fluff. This is wonder un-equalled by anything else. As I look over this expanse of mystery, I think of another mystery. I think about you- you are somewhere below in the land that I am seeing from above. Minding your own business, not thinking about me. I'm sure. And I realize that you're not so different from the clouds out my window. Depending on where I look at them, the clouds invoke very different feelings inside of me. And with you- I can either see you as a possibility or an almost. Each feels different, but with you... Neither seem to hurt. I am simply content. Gosh, you're somewhere down there. You're minding your own business. Not thinking about me, I'm sure.

From my journal.
July 5th, 2010

I don't want to talk about it.

- Beautifully Broken

. Thorns .

For once I want to be the car crash

Not always just the traffic jam
Hit me hard enough to wake me

Headlights... before me
So beautiful, so clear
Reach out... and take it
Cos I'm so tired of all this fear

My tongue is lost, oh, I can't tell you
Please just see it in my eyes
I pull up thorns from our ripped bodies
And let the blood fall in my mouth

For once I want to be the car crash

Not always just the traffic jam

- beautifully broken

< Before and After >

A photo before edits on Picnik.com-

And the image after-

What aspects of the edits do you like in the final piece?
Are there things you could do without?


-Beautifully Broken

a striking resemblance

In may of 2007 I wrote:

...you can't break me, I'm already broken...

. . . and dying eyes consume me now,
the voice inside me screams out loud . . .

(((And just like all the others you will leave me. And once again ill be left broken hearted and alone.)))

<<<<<<<<<<<< You always get a second chance to make a first impression so make it count and do it right because third chances are hard to come by>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

" I just want to go back to believing in everything and knowing nothing at all "

Save me from this cloud above me.
Take me back to happy endings
and i will do the same to you.
Wipe away your tears,
read between the lines.
Please let us talk the whole night away
Addicted to your words.
So, don´t you say good bye.

_______I miss you. A lot._______

Now, ask me how much has changed. Because honestly, it feels like the same old shit all over again. The breaking, I mean. How do I do it? Come full circle every time. Repeat the same pattern, time and time again. My pattern. My fault. End of story-


- Just Broken,
forget the beautiful

Thick Oxygen

Like thick oxygen,
you push me down.
This sick obsession-
don't cut me out.

One sided,
soon I give up.
Crowded and cornered-
I've left nowhere to run.
I turn to you,
but you're already gone.

This air is heavy,
I fall to the ground.
Reach my hand up,
nothing grabs hold.

And since their is no more air-
I die.


-Beautifully Broken

Story Book Ending

Have you ever fallen for someone you know you shouldn't?

Try hard to fight the feelings but you just couldn't? You fall deeper with each passing day. But you try and hide it in every possible way. He's only a friend and nothing else. That's the lie you keep telling yourself. A simple glance turns into a stare but you pretend that you don't care. But how long will you pretend and keep lying that he's just a friend?

- a bundle of confused thoughts,
Beautifully Broken

And I Cursed Myself

::: And I cursed myself for being surprised that this didn't play out like it did in my mind :::

As fantasies, they are riveting. Each moment is. But they are only day dreams only make believe. This I know but still I let my mind think of this or that and let it take me away. And I know that it isn't real and that it will never be. But I've already gotten my hopes up and when I once again realize that I've dreamed up the impossible it all comes crashing down. And ask me why I am so surprised every time?

I don't know.

Photo by: Watchmewatchy0u5 (click here to view bigger)

-beautifully broken

He Is We

He Is We. I found them at http://www.purevolume.com/HEISWE. Yes, the band is amazing, and so is this website. You can find great bands here, the ones none of your friends have heard of and the ones that just starting hitting the radio.

So check out their site. And if you like this He Is We song you can download it and the rest of their demo album here (right click the image below and select open in new tab):

p.s. I really like Breathe and Pardon Me, they're sorta soul hitting...

-Beautifully Broken

pretending you wrote them for me

i'll clasp your body so tight

and we'll flicker just like candle light

- beautifully broken

A month in DC

And this is how you'll feel...

Dramatic new outlooks on life
monumental experiences and all that jazz
can really make your feet hurt.






- beautifully broken

embellishments

Shot with my mothers macro lens
are these simple details of my art journal-

- beautifully broken
(on a service trip in DC for the remainder of the month,
posting will be limited until my return)

"Are you stalking Riley, Sue?"

A friend asked me while pointing to the search box on my screen.

It read, larkolicio.us/blog. (Lark being Rileys last name) My response went something like, "no, not really. I just wanted to see his blog, so that I could blog about his blog." (I imagine, I used the word 'blog' a bit less, but who knows) So, that's how we got here- well, me anyway. It turns out my teacher Riley has been blogging for awhile now. To clarify, his blog is titled 'Point of Inflection: Describing My Path Through Practice and Pedagogy'. - I know, I have no idea either. But aside from his math talk, he writes about his lessons plans and how students have been reacting to them. I just find it so intriguing to read about our classes from a teachers perspective- all I ever hear, is what other students have to say. It's nice to hear the other side.
Click the image here to get to his blog,

Dark Skies

Woke up to dark skies.
nothing but fog laid out across her eyes-
No reason for it,
nothing to justify.

Just her fake face, a
bundle of careless lies.

These words are like all others.
But one things changed-
You didn't cause this,
cause her to cry.

Photo by: Justmakeit

Splat.

This Is How I Feel Right Now.

!Splat! by: TBSteve

- Waiting for things to get better,
Beautifully Broken

Attempted Art Journal

A new fad has emerged called the 'art journal'.

A month or so ago, I began my own. But even as I looked at the classic journal page from other artists, mine never seemed to reach their intensity- their creativity. But, I thought I would give you an insiders look at my favorite pages and favorite details anyway- I haven't made a new page in awhile... I can't seem to articulate the things I want to say.



*the background pages in my journal are taken from SVA's catalog, I pretended to be interested in their school, so I could have my own- its massive and full of student art.

- Beautifully Broken

You've never heard of a Xyron?

Somehow I keep finding myself talking about my Xyron, only to have people look at me like I'm insane.
Well, a Xyron is a mini sticker maker and you don't know it yet, but you want your own. Here are the simple steps of my favorite little machine-

1.) Get an image ready-
2.) Grab the end
that most resembles
the words 'paper' and 'sticky'3.) You're almost there,
all you have to do is peel off the clear sheet...





4.) AND TA-DA, stick your new creation to your friends face!

Want one of your own?
Right click the image below and select 'open link in new tab'
- Beautifully Broken

A Scattergood Tradition as Told by my Camera

Staff Appreciation Day, 2010

Making signs and decorations

Walking the red carpet-

And the award goes to-

- Beautifully Broken