A journal entry from February 17th, 2009
“You
just want to be held and told you are worth it after all"
You
wish it on your birthday candles and send your hopes to the stars.
Well, gee. Now it will surely come true. They say my depression is
socially based. What ever the hell that means. Some things you get
over. Others you never do. You can gloss over it with something new,
a sheet protector or a layer of glue. But it never leaves. You are
still infatuated with them. All you want is to be fought for. The
feeling of being wanted is what makes you whole. Don't care who. Just
want me. Fight for me. Tell me I am worth it.
I
don't miss them enough to want them back. But just enough for it to
hurt. And it hurts... I have lived many days in
bliss. Blinded by the reality that forever is not guaranteed. What is
so different about this one? They will be the same. They will leave.
And you will start all over again. It doesn't matter anyway because
you got what you deserved. Nothing more and nothing less. This empty
feeling. Don't you know its your fault it happened this way? It is
your fault it ended this way. And you can't take it back. You got
what was coming to you. You got everything you deserved. They never
fight for you. They never will.
- Beautifully Broken
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