Circleing

Last night I watched an extremely cheesy movie that was almost all predictable (all except for the smallest of tidbits at the end with little importance to the actual story line). Yet somehow I think it got to me.

' What and If are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if? What if? What if? '

I've never thought about the words 'what if', only their repercussions. If I had any courage at all I would find you. I would gallantly chase you and appear before you in that kind of moment that even the cheesiest of movies does so well. But you see- I am not courageous. In fact, I am terrified. I wish I could see 'what if' in only one light. I wish I could read in to the words only one thing: If I had done something different in the past would my present bring us closer? If I could read only this then I might be able to leave everything behind just to find you. I would be able to steal a horse and ride him all the way to you, like in my rotten day dreams. But there is always two sides to things and I can see another side to 'what if'. What if I found you, stood in front of you, let you see how much Id been through just to be there and nothing changed? What then? As much as I enjoy envisioning a happy ending to this story I can too easily see the tragedy bubbling up behind it.

Maybe you have more strength than me. Maybe you'll be the one to come find me.

When I'm driving down the road, when I'm in motion that is when I see myself running towards you. But when I'm standing still or moving slowly that is when I see you coming for me. I can see you around every corner, waiting. But as of yet, you've never actually been there. But maybe you have more strength than me. I hope you find me one day because I'll never stop waiting.

' If what you felt then was true love, then it's never too late. If it was true then, why wouldn't it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart. I don't know what a love like Juliet's feels like - love to leave loved ones for, love to cross oceans for but I'd like to believe if I ever were to feel it, that I will have the courage to seize it. '

- Not courageous enough and still
Beautifully Broken